Mummy maine kya kiya???? Story of dealing with my difficult mom..

Hi All,

Sorry been a while since I haven't been writing.
Things were busy and so was I.. Was dealing with the pressures of a new job, a 3 year old and everything else an Indian girl has to go through her entire life.

Hence I want to pen down some of my feeling as I am feeling very uncomfortable and there's no-one I can express it to. Sorry but this post isn't funny or positive, just like our lives but I know it'll all pass one day and I will be sat reading this post a few years later and would be smiling at myself.

Today I want to write about one of the most important person in my life and the most influential one. My mom.
For anyone in this world, mom is the first most important person as she brings us in this world and that is why you can never repay your mom back ever again... end of story. And I agree most of us understand that and treat our moms that way. Specially when you are Indian and its in your culture to put your mum before everything.
But sometimes I feel that this is too overpowering. There could be different types of mom dads in the world, some understanding some strict and some just making you realize everyday that you have to pay a big debt to them

I am blessed with mom like that. She is a wonderful lady, very kind, very helpful, but the thing that bothers me the most is her expectations of a good daughter/son/husband/son-in-law/daughter-in-law and everybody around her.
I have been living with these expectations for 31 years now, but sometime they are so depressing and stressful that you wish you can as this question that "Mummy maine kya kiya???"

I am the first born in my family and that was my first mistake. According to the old Indian mentality a every lady should have a boy or boy as a first born at-least. Nobody wanted a girl back in those days. So because I dared to break the norm, I was wrong from the beginning. She told me that they were really upset when I was born, but as I was little I didn't realize anything so can't complaint. but as I am writing this post today, I want to ask my mom k "Mummy maine kya kiya??" Sorry break your hopes of a boy but it was not my fault.

Then my brother was born so things got a little bit better as they had hope that he would be her Old age support. I grew up from 2.5 years old to elder sister. I didn't mind, I was really happy to have a brother but slowly the difference started becoming clear. I was elder and also a girl, so I was wrong all the time. Even if my brother made a mistake, I would get the beating for it and then again, I wanted to ask this question to my mom k "Mummy maine kya kiya??"

As a child I was close to both my parents as both are equally important, but slowly I started become close to my dad and far from my mom as you only get close to a person you get more love from. Its simple maths. When sometimes I used to do anything wrong, instead of saying that "Don't be a bad girl" etc I used to get a warning that I"f you don't obey me, I will jump for the terrace and die" and that thought used to terrify me as a child. The very thought of losing your mom. I used to cry a lot.. She used to leave me and go and I used to think that its really happened and cry more and more. At that point I wanted to ask this question to my mom k "Mummy maine kya kiya??"

As we grew older and older, the gap between my mom and me increased, my brother was the obvious favorite. He would get all his wishes granted and I was happy in my own world, no complaints here. But as I grew bigger, the things which my brother and I could do completely changed. I wasn't allowed to laugh a lot as mannered girls don't laugh a lot. Wasn't allowed to talk a lot and I used o love talking but I couldn't. I had to be not myself when I am about specially nanis house as everybody around is a Judge of Life and specially Judge of my mom's abilities as a parent, so if I dared to talk more, laugh, run play around or even fight with my brother, I am classed as a bad kid and my mom will fail in her parent exam. And again this question came to my mind k "Mummy maine kya kiya??"

Then suddenly I was a teen, I had friends, I started to answer back sometimes and engage in conversations but again I was scolded and even beaten up by my mom for just talking back. Never as a child or as a teenager I was given confidence by her that she's with me and she will help me get though every phase of my life. I was, I am and I will forever be under her judgement and scrutiny panel. where, I dont know what I have to do but I have to meet her expectations. and her expectations are so crystal clear -- "As everybody's else's children"

BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW??? what everybody else's children do?? you only see a brief moment of their  lives.. what goes behind the scenes, you could never tell so how can you set such expectations???

Never-mind I carried on with my studies, thankfully I was a topper in the class, if I were any average girl, I don't know what more would have come my end.

Carrying on, as years passed, mom started becoming more aggressive, I think the early 40's were really hitting her. She started having fights with dad everyday. And as I supported dad, I was wrong too. She would boycott us completely for weeks. She never smiled. She would just have fights with everyone relatives, neighbor etc. Anyone who dared to not do what she expected will be fought with. Dad was the main victim in all this. He was not feeling well at all. His job was stressful, dealing with difficult bosses and coming home to an even difficult wife didn't do him any good. bt again if I would say that om please dont treat dad like that, I was rebuked.
Hence the question "Mummy maine kya kiya??"

I entered engineering and the distance helped with lessening the fights at home which I was happy for but then God had other plans and one fine day, he decide that my dad should come to him and he took him away from us. Dad went away and took my lasts hopes of a happy home with him.

Nothing could be back to normal after that, I had to deal with a crying, difficult mom with lots of expectations and no support. But I did it, because I knew that if dad were to tell me his last wishes, it would have been "Take care of your mom" so I did. I made every effort to be  a good daughter, treading on her expectations as I can't see her sad. She's my only left parent.

She kept on becoming more and more demanding and frustrated. Sometimes complaining that why am I taking too much time to brush my teeth, sometimes why am I going to my hostel. but I could understand that she is alone, so I did not complaint. But again -- "Mummy maine kya kiya??"

I completed engineering, started a job, thanks to mom, dad and everybody else's wishes.

Now as every Indian girl I had to get married, before 25 otherwise I would go old. And I ahd to get married, not to the man of my dreams but the son-in-law of her dreams. She tried to force his chosen person to me and when I refused, the threats were back.. I will die... Why do you not want to get married?? You have become money minded.. you dont care about your mom..

Of course I did but I could just marry  a guy that she thinks is right, It had to click. I was given sermons every day that how a job and a big city has corrupted my mind and I really wanted to ask k "Mummy maine kya kiya??"

I finally decide to get married, chose a guy who was fit in her criteria and mine too, everything was ok to begin with but as we got engaged.. she started judging him too and the complaints were never ending.. I would be over the phone everyday explaining her that how she is misunderstanding him but all in vain.. she would tell me that I have changed in a few weeks and I am not her daughter anymore...

We finally got married and my mom's never-ending battle with my husband began.. She would accuse him of not being a good son-in-law despite his best efforts and I would just be a spectator of my moms versatility.

When I was pregnant she came to UK to help me with delivery for the last months of pregnancy and instead of giving me hope and good thoughts she just complained about my husband to me and that how I should fight with him. She created a glum atmosphere at those happy moments of my life. Even after my daughter was born, she would be irritated, frustrated and shout as us eveytime we would dare to question her. That was followed by days of drama crying scolding me of taking my husbands side etc etc
Those 6 months were difficult for me but I tried my best to make her happy.
And again I really wanted to ask k "Mummy maine kya kiya??"


My brother has also grown and wanted to have girlfriends, get married but everytime you tell her about a girl, she will create so much negativity and an atmosphere full of tension and crying etc due to the reason she didn't get to have her say.. He's been struggling to keep up with mom's expectations. And my moms favorite person doesn't talks to her anymore and ignores her but guess who has to face all the bad feelings and negative talks...

Today I am happy, after 10 years of doing job, i can finally afford a house with my husband. We got eveything sorted and got the keys etc buuut mummy has stopped talking to me. because according to her I failed her expectations of being a good daughter and staying with her mom. i dared to come to the UK and also buy a house after 6 years of wasting money on rents. Since the past month, everytime I try to talk to her, I either get no answer, or I get scolded and rebuked of betraying her or I just get a cold answer.

I am feeling so disturbed and stressed, I can't explain. I ahve been frustrated and not being nice to my husband and daughter too. My main problem is that I dont know what have I done wrong. Everybody is congratulating me and my mom is sad glum and giving bad replies.
Again mom again "Maine kya kiya??"

I vist her every year, I call her every day, I send her gifts, I send her money, I bring her here and hand over my card to her to shop until she drops. I make my daughter to talk to her. I dont know what else could I do to make her happy.. but she is never happy.

If I am wrong please god punish me as nobody should be wrong to her parents.. I am blindfolded, I can't see where am I wrong and my mom is always complaining that I am wrong.

 She calls my friends, cousins, relatives to tell them that how disturbed she is with my idea of buying a house in the UK. But I just want to say that mom -- "You did everything best for us when we were growing up and that's the reason I am where I am right now and now I want to do the best for my children and make them have a happy life. Hence I am doing what I am doing" if I am wrong please forgive me.. Sorry for not being a good daughter. I did try my best.

Love you mom

My baby's a HERO :) :)

Hi Friends,

Hoe you guys are doing well.. I am well too, living life as it is making me live..  Going with the flow as they say.. Surprisingly the summers are really good this year in England hence just want to enjoy the few days of summer before it becomes dark and dingy and rainy again :P

Today is a very special post and yes! its again about my daughter :) as she's made me really proud.

The moment when your child makes you proud could come anytime in your life.. I guess for my parent's life it would have come when I topped in my 8th std exams or got 90% in my 10 std exams and so on. not really sure, but yeah I am sure I didn't do anything in my childhood days which would have made them proud of me.. hehehe :P I was quite a mischievous kid who did everything like getting lost with my friends in the jungle to beating up my lil brother to breaking things in the house.. hahaha

But as a parent that day has arrived for me really early.. My princess has made me proud when she's only two years old and I am going to tell you how :)

It was the weekend and we have a routine to take her to the outside play area, the garden, on weekends.. She just loves going on the swings, slides, roundabouts just like most of the other kids of her age. So last Saturday we took her to the garden and  she was having a gaala time on the swings and the slides. Suddenly as she was walking from one place to another, she saw a kid crying loudly, whereas other kids weren't even disturbed, she stopped and looked at the kid, the kid then ran to his mother and Anaya kept watching it until the kid was happy again, and when she was assured that the kid is happy and safe, she carried on playing. I observed her from a distance and was happy to see her concerns for the crying kid. It made me smile in my head and I carried on playing with her again.

A little while later, that same kid was crying its lungs out but no-one was even having a look at her. It had been at least 10-15 minutes since we saw her crying again too but we couldn't do anything as you can't touch anybody else's baby in this country. Her mother was not even in sight and neither any of her other friends or relatives. She just carried on crying.

 At the same time we took Anaya to a swing near to where the baby was crying. She was having quite a laugh as she enjoys the NEST swing very much. And then suddenly she saw the baby crying and she couldn't stop herself. She asked me to stop the swing saying,
"Mumma STOP STOP", I said "ok what happened??"
She said: "I wanna get down" I said "Ok" and brought her down.

She started moving towards the crying baby as there was still no one to take care, she turned back to me and said "Just a moment mumma" showing me her index finger and  I said "Ok Bebo" as I decided to be a spectator to what's about to happen.

She walked upto the baby who was I think near about the same age or maybe a few months younger than her.
She started talking to the baby and asking her "What happened??" "Where's your mumma?"
The baby just became quiet as it got some attention.

Then Anaya saw a packet of crisps right next to the baby and realised that the baby might have dropped the packet and the crisps might have fallen off and that's what was making the baby cry.
So she picked up the packet of crisps, started putting the fallen off crisps back in the packet and when she was done she handed the packet back to the baby. The baby was quiet by now and I was surprised how my lil one has made a crying baby quiet. Then they started having a lil chit chat and I was a proud mum as I clicked a few pictures too.

And then suddenly the baby's lost mum arrived :P, she completely ignored Anaya, took her as she might be making her baby cry, she snatched the packet off her baby's hands, threw it in the dustbin, didn't utter a word to Anaya, took her baby's hand and rushed away... And my darling daughter turned back and came laughing back to her mumma as I clapped for her heroism. I was a proud mum!!

And there was a life lesson right there which she completely mastered, that the world might be ignorant, negligent or just jealous about you and your deeds but you have to keep doing the good work and not get affected by the Stupid people's attitude as there is always someone who is watching you and knows the real story.

I was so happy and proud that I kissed her praised her and also gave her a little gift on our way back. :). May her good side always wins and makes her do good deeds for the people :)

Thanks for reading me and my lil one's story, hope you have your proud mum/dad/brother/sister moments too :)

With that note dear friends, Cheerios!!!!

Deeelicious and Disgusting!!!!

Hi Friends :)

Hope you guys are well and having a fun in your lives.. Even if you are not don't worry not all days are meant to have fun :)

Just quite like to write my feeling out these days because I want to look back to them on a dark gloomy day and bring a smile to my face :)

Having quite a few funny feelings today don't know what to write down but this one is special.

Its about my daughter again, I know but she's the one who keeps me happy and occupied  these days. and is the major source of my funny feelings :)

As I had mentioned that my lil one has turned two and its the age when they start speaking an putting two or three words together. I am amazed at the speed she is learning stuff, you tell her one thing maybe in a hurry but she'll remember it for ages.

One such day when my husband was working on his laptop and she went to him, I told her "Anaya come back, papa is busy" right- from that day her dad is just busyyy according to her.
Me: Anaya where is Papa??
Anaya: Papa is busy

Me: Anaya dont do this or I'll tell papa
Anaya: Papa is busy

One day as he was again working.. she went to him.. "Pappa, are you busy??"
Papa: Yes Anaya, I am
Anaya: Ok Pappa, byee Have a lovely day :) :)

Just makes me wonder how cute their little world is..everything is black or white yet colourful.
If only I can get into her brain one day and see life's equations so simply put.. all that innocence about people.. without any vices and selfishness :) how everything is apart yet connected.. it'll be such a amazing treat.

Another thing that she has started saying is Deeeliciiooussss!! and Disssgussstiiing!!! :D with so much expressions and tone I can't explain. I think I should thank Peppa pig for introducing her with these words but when they come out of her mouth they are so beautiful and would fill you with so much sweetness that even you would like to just capture that moment forever.

Everytime I cook something good for her like parantha, panneer or pasta she'll say ummm.. Deeeliciiooussss on the other hand if she sees something bad like a egg yolk, broken biscuits.. she'll say yuck! Disssgussstiiing!!

Such a tender little creature and so full of expressions! just love it!! :) :)  And I like the way she finds the right occasion to mouth those amazing words as if they were invented during one of these situations only :)

Can't remeber how exciting my life was without kids but with one only its is so beautiful..TOUCHWOOD.. I think I'll stop here. enough of my funny feelings :P

Hope there are things which fill you heart with so much love..

Time to say bye!!!

Cheerios!!!

Mi Vida Loca!

Hi friends,

Hope you all are well, happy and having a gaala time. Its not been very long since I wrote my last post and here I am writing another one. I should get a pat on my back for taking time for it :)

What made me write this post saying "Mi Vida Loca" is the life I am living these days, its full of fun, laughs, smiles , cheers and madness.. touchwood.

In spanish, "Mi Vida Loca" means "My crazy life"  :) :) and it holds true for me these days, Thanks to my 2 year old daughter who is such a bundle of energy, cuteness, innocence and love.

In my previous posts I had revealed that I was pregnant and I have so many posts in draft which says, "Its a girl", "She is here" etc but sadly didn't get time to write them.. sooo bad..

But today as I am sitting in my office looking at my lil one's photos and videos and thinking about how much happiness she has filled our lives with, has compelled me to pen it down.

Our daughter turned 2 this year and everyone around us were telling us about the saying Terrible Two's.. which refers to the terrible time two years old give to their parents by being mischievous and doing naughty stuff.. but hang on.. I don't think soo.

Since our lil one has turned two.. she's become even more sweeter.. well behaved and she says some things which I wasn't even saying when I was say 20 years old.

Every Morning I get her ready for nursery and when she knows its time to leave she goes to her dad, waves to me and says "Bye mumma, have a lovely day in the office".. the best thing I hear every morning

When I come back, she runs to me gives me a biiig hug and clings to me like a monkey and tells me how much she missed me. :)
One day I asked her,
Me : "Anaya did you sleep in the afternoon"
She replied:  "Nooo , coz Anaya saaad"
Me: "Why were you sad babba??"
She: "Because mumma went to office :(" and that moment my heart just met like butter on a pan. I felt so bad.. but I think it was one of those days and I made up for it.

My in laws visited us this summer and she mingled so well with them saying "Daaduu-Daadi I love you". She knew that they weren't keeping well so she'll say "Daadu, Daadi paraceetamool" after dinner :)
One day her Daadu fell from the chair since then everytime she sees him sitting on the chair she'll say "Be careful Daaadu, no sliding"

She's so full of energy that she will just jump up and down and say "Look at meeeee, I am jumping in the muddy pudddllllee"

She wakes up in te morning and says "Hi mumma, Hi pappa"
When papa leaves for office she'll say "Bye Pappa, I love you"

She'll have her food at night and then scurry across the room as if she's digesting it doing all sorts of different dances and performances.

At night, she'll take my hand and say "Lets go mumma, sleepy time" because she wants me to read her books.. She loves reading books and I am so thankful to god about it and I'll do anything to encourage her because in this digital age, its very easy not to read and just watch.

She got gifted a doctor set on her birthday, and now Dr Anaya Rana, checks everyone with her doctor kit, starting with the stethoscope, the mouth piece, thermometer etc and by the end the answer is "I think you are alright" Sooo sweet..


I can't stop telling you about the things she does to make my everyday so happy and full of fun.
And please stop giving this notion that there is a thing called Terrible Twos because there isn't. Its all about how you bring up your child.

That's all I want to say in my Funny feelings today.. my little one has made my life so crazy that I look forward to every single day with her..TOUCHWOOD..
Hope it continues forever and hope your lives are as crazy as mine.

Cheerios!!!

Lost and Found!

Hi Dear Friends,

I know its been a very long time since I have written a post. Not that I didn't have any funny feelings but got so busy doing the daily routine and mommy activities that did not think this was important anymore.

Until today when I just happened to read the blogs again and I felt so good. And I couldn't help imagining that its been 2 yeas since I have written my last blog and reading it was so much fun. Imagine how would I feel after 20 years. Hence this post is to the feeling of realisation and the person who made me realise it.

This blog-post is all about friendship. Its one of those relationship which gets overlooked sometimes, because we feel that other relationships are far more important that this.
I too felt the same. I always thought that friends are there to pass time, in school, in college at work. To hangout, party, go shopping etc. I had many friends at school, college, locality but eventually moved on and lost all contact with them. Never kept up-to-date with their lives, and just continued with my own. And now thanks to Facebook that we are friends again but the spark is gone. The spark to tell them any good news, spark to crib about a situation, spark to be partners in crime all the time.

But luckily one of those lost friendship has reignited again, and I cannot tell you how happy I feel about it. Its like all this time I was seeing myself getting older and then this friend appeared and I am young again. I am chatting, cribbing, fighting, scolding again just like the good old days.

We were at the same company for a brief period of time but in that brief time was long enough to be friends for life time. We used to spend time with each other, work together, study together, mostly eat together and most importantly have Chai together. and Chai as you know brings out your emotions better than liquor :P

Then life moved on, he had to travel overseas for onward studies and I decided to settle once and for all. I guess we both got so busy with our new lives that we forgot to miss each other. For me it was a change of country too, he also eventually got married and got settled. And we both lost contact with each other completely.

I did used to remember him sometimes but refrained to send him a catch-up email thinking its been too long an what will he think.
Then there was the dip, I don't know whether it was the post baby depression, stressful job, family duties or absence of  good friends. I started missing him more and more. Whenever I used to think of sharing something which I couldn’t  share with my partner, my parents, my siblings, I missed him even more. And I was sure that he must be going through the same.
But I always had this gut feeling  that one day we will connect again. I didn't know when, how but I always told to myself that it was a special friendship and it would definitely come back.

One such usual day, I put my young one to bed and realised a message pop up and to my biggest surprise, it was that friend. He messaged me back and told me how much he missed me and I had nothing else to say than me too, me too 😊

He going through a bad patch and just wanted to let it out. We both caught up with each other’s lives and felt so stupid not connecting so many years. And even though we were talking after 5 years precisely, we could talk like we just spoke yesterday. Nothing was changed and that’s the best part of friendship that true friends never change.
We talk regularly now morally support each other and have each other’s back.

That’s what I want to convey that friendship is the relationship that you are not born with, you choose to be in it and make it. Don’t just let it go. Treasure your friends and your friendships. Pick up that phone and call your friend ask him if he’s okay tell him about yourself. Don’t wait for the dip to happen or a bad patch to start before you contact them because then it becomes all the more difficult.

I personally feel so happy these days, my irritation levels, frustration levels have gone down and I feel all the more happier.

So this is it friends, I had lost and found a friend but I hope you guys don’t lose yours and if you did, better find them again.

With this funny feeling good bye
Cheerios!!!

It Kicked!!!!

Hello Friends,

How are you today?? I hope you are all doing well, having happy and funny feelings like me :) :).
I would love to hear your funny feelings as well because our life passes but what stays with us is the collection of these little funny feelings which constitute our life memories. I want to grow old and look back at this blog post say after 20 years and laugh at the funny feeling I had shared 20 years back.

Now lemme tell you about this funny feeling.

Earlier I had shared the good news with you all about my pregnancy.
I was about four months pregnant now. It was 6th of November, I was sleeping peacefully in the morning and I felt my tummy flutter. Wondering what is it, I went back to sleep again and it fluttered again. What's wrong with me I thought. Do I have wind problem? Ahh.. I don't think so.. then what is it?? and before I could run to any conclusions, I felt it, YES!!! it kicked  YES!

I couldn't believe it, everything was becoming a reality now. I could feel it mooove.. yay!!!! yippie. I had a bulged tummy now and had told my work guys as well buuutt hadn't felt it. Now I have, there is a tiny-tot inside me.. jumping and moving about. Just can't wait to see it now :)

I held Atul's hand and put it on my tummy and it kicked again.. his excitement was was over the roof. We were going to be parents soon. The excitement, nervousness, happiness eagerness had all kicked in with this little kick from our little one. :)

Not sure how will I pass the rest 5 months, I am so excited. I used to count its kicks as it is a sign of the baby being healthy and my little baby never disappointed me. It used to kick and move about giving me signals that its doing well inside me.. Its such a lovely feeling, I can't explain.

I know every girl has her own dreams and ambitions and they would or would not want to have kids. but I would say that I am really enjoying it :) I want 100 kids now hahahaha..

I would leave you with this funny feeling and hope to hear yours as well..

Cheerios!!!

Its Positive!

Hello Friends/Readers

I hope you guys are well and enjoying life to the fullest. I wish you all have positive thoughts and energies always around you and may you stay away from bad people , bad company and bad habits forever.

Today is a special day for me, I am writing this blog as on 2nd of August, I didn't get time to complete and post it so please pardon me. But today is one of the happiest day of my life. I say one of the because there have been a few and I am sure there are plenty more to come :)

You know when you are young and unaware and you don't realise what life has in store for you. Of course you think of having a girlfriend/boyfriend , getting married etc but very rarely people think of being parents. I had dreams about having a nice job, then getting expensive stuff all around me, having a nice partner and touring the world like most of you.

And then when time goes on you realise the need to somebody special in your happy lives. Something your creation. Seeded , nurtured and manufactured by you. That's what is called "Your Baby"

Yes!! today is the day when I found out that my husband and I are going to be parents. I can't explain in words what type of a feeling it is. Although we had properly planned it but still there was an element of surprise as none of us thought that we'll get lucky. The second moment we were scared with the idea that how will we be able to handle such responsibility. We were happy that finally we are going to start a family , our own family, and the next moment terrified with all the sacrifices which comes along with it.

I never thought that my husband will be so glad, he always used to be anti-babies and used to run away from even the slightest mention of babies but today he seems more than excited. He took me to the doctor, bought medicine , fruits etc for me and is super conscious about my health. Never saw this side of him,  but more I see it , more I am falling in love with him. I am sure he'll make an excellent father.

We shared the news with our immediate family on his birthday which was a treat as well. Its almost 3 years since we are married and coming from Indian background our folks were already expecting us to deliver this news way earlier than we did. There's a kind of positivity everywhere and I hope that our little baby brings more hopes and positivity with it.

Also I am enjoying the phase because I can eat anything I want and call it craving :P I can not go to the gym and be fine. I am getting so much care and attention, makes me wanna be pregnant all the time :P

Well that's what I wanted to share with you.

I hope I am able to cope with the responsibilities not only during the next 9 months but ever after because as they say that a baby never grows old for his parents.

Cheerios!
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